The latest trend among the Gen Z is having fake wedding events in their leisure time. They arrange for mehandi, sangeeth, bhangra dance and what not, except for the real mangal sutra or any kind of legal bindings. They arrange for such events to enjoy without any serious commitments. It is an occasion for them to wear costly dazzling dresses, break the rules and enjoy among their generation of people. This trend, that first started in Delhi and soon adopted by other major cities like Mumbai and Bangalore, has now become the trend in Chennai too. Tamizhaga Valvurimai Katchi (TVK) has filed a case against the fake wedding events condemning them as cultural devolution.
The fake wedding events of the Gen Z have caused an uproar and triggered controversy for flouting traditions and for being a sacrilege to the sacrosanct union of two individuals and families. But they have also initiated the need for introspection and retrospection on the part of older generations. As quoted by Francis Bacon, “What is truth? said jesting Pilate, and would not stay for an answer. Certainly there be, that delight in giddiness, and count it a bondage to fix a belief; affecting free-will in thinking, as well as in acting.” We should ask, “what is fake? (or rather not fake)” in our big fat Indian weddings.
Older generations often indulge in reminiscence and speak about the glory of their past, and how they are missing it nowadays. If that is the case, then how tough it must be for the Gen Z who did not even have the opportunity to enjoy those things. Those days, there were many children. So, one had many siblings, cousins and extended families. There will be many occasions for get-together and celebrations such as marriage, death, baby shower, child birth, and first birthday functions. Nowadays, many couple are struggling with infertility and there are only one or two kids per family. The Gen Z are stressed with so much work pressure and they too want to have some fun.
Though they love so much fun, many youngsters refuse to attend the real-life weddings and choose to hang out with friends rather than accompany their parents. Have we ever introspected on those issues? The fakeness, hypocrisy and drama in the real-life weddings are tiring to them. The big fat Indian weddings have become the breeding grounds of pomp and show. Often times the host gets a loan and spends far above his capacity to please the bridegroom’s family and the guests. And the guests too try to flaunt their wealth and try to put down others.
Most of the times, it is the youngsters who are targeted. Some uncle or aunty boast about the achievements of their kids and then question the youngster about his/her status. It might be on any topic from 10th or 12th exam results, college admission, job status, marital status or parental status. They are often at the receiving end of back-handed compliments, taunts and narcissistic bullying. And in our culture, any person talking back to their elders is not tolerated. The whole clan would come as a mob to advise and bully the victim into submission.
It is never about right behaviour vs. wrong behaviour, but about the elders vs. the youngsters. As per our culture, the elders should be endured and respected, whatever they say. Hence, the Gen Z avoid real-life weddings and choose fake weddings to have all the fun sans the plaguing torments of irksome relations. They prefer to spend their time among their own friends and clan where they are accepted and can have their share of fun.
It is their own harmless way of avoiding controversies inside families and going away to have a gala time, or it might even be an act of rebellion by them. Either way, instead of simply blaming the Gen Z for their reaction, it is high time we analyse and realise ourselves and mend our ways so that the generation gap is not further widened. If left carelessly, this generation gap might grow to damage our culture further.
Change starts to come from within each individual who is ready for corrective actions. No use of blame game. The Gen Z haven’t jumped out from some other planet. They are our children and have grown up by observing us. We have to change our ways and be more kind and empathetic towards others. We can only lead by example and not by force.
Though our country is rich in culture and traditions, we have also been very adaptive to changing times. That’s why the tradition of arranged marriage has survived so far. Nowadays, at least in cities, the prospective groom and bride first meet in cafes and date. The families meet only after the prospective couple are ok with the first round of talks. Even after the families meet, the couple to be wedded have some more rounds of talks, after which the wedding gets fixed. The fake wedding trend only reveals the next generation’s love of the fun and frolic in the culture minus the commitment and pressure related to it. But they too will realise that freedom comes only with responsibility.
One thing to be appreciated is that the Gen Z are frank enough to accept and name it as a “Fake Wedding”. But once all the fun and frolic is over, people will have to go back to their routine life. Always the grass is greener on the other side and one may try to copy the lifestyle of the westerners, but a family is a family and nothing can replace it. And families are built through commitments and endurance. Building a family and maintaining good relationship is hard work. But it is hard work that pays and there is no shortcut to success.
The Gen Z’s may feel excited by all these fake wedding events and triumphant for having broken the rules, but will they ever feel the comfort, cosiness and secure feeling that the real marriage offers? It is a question that they have to ask themselves. As said by Fancis Bacon, “But it is not the lie that passeth through the mind, but the lie that sinketh in, and settleth in it, that doth the hurt; such as we spake of before.”
Problems aren’t solved by running away from them. The Gen Z need to have a frank talk with the elders of their family, stand their ground and fight back if they are bullied. There is no need to run away from the comfort that a steady family setting offers them just because of some thoughtless uncles or aunties who bully them.
May be the whole lot of us should think of playing down a bit and refrain from pomp and show. Finally, it is the daily happiness level that counts rather than showing off to people on special occasions and then submerging oneself under the weight of financial and emotional burden. Dealing with the boredom of daily routines with a happy mindset is of more importance than anything else in the world, because, a person not at ease with oneself can never be at ease with the others. As said by Bertrand Russell, “Happy life must be to a great extent a quiet life, for it is only in an atmosphere of quiet that true joy can live.
P.S. Sowmya, Chennai
